You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

So just after I brag about beating the horrible cold of last week, it has come back to bite me on the ass because right now? I have another cold. A horrible, red-nose, sinus and ear blocked cold. If I could find enough energy to shout, the words "mother" and "fucker" would be echoing around my house right now. But of course, I’m much too lovely to wander around screaming obscenities. It’s much more refreshing to type it. Feel free to join with me now, if you’re so inclined.

Other than infectious disease #2 for 2007 (not that I’m keeping tally or anything..) I don’t have much to report. I’m loving my class of sixteen kidlets. They are a handful in regards to their learning but I’ve really only got one behaviour; the rest are all just hard work and need a lot of attention.

(There is one little girl that is getting close to me sticky-taping her mouth together though, she just NEVER stops talking! Sheesh! There’s always that one kidlet in every class whose name you find yourself saying a hundred times a day.)

(But that is made up for by the sweetie who brought me a whole block of Cadbury chocolate as a present on Monday because I had been sick for those three days last week. Bless her cotton socks. Now that’s my kind of gift.)

So – how’s your week started out? (And make sure you use at least ONE swear word in your response, or else. Hee. Swear word. I feel about seven years old typing that.) (Eep. But seven year olds don’t use the eff word!) (Do they?)

Flippin’ Mad! (Or should I say Flip-Floppin’ Mad?)

I found (and purchased) the cutest pair of Havaianas on Ebay the other day. And I couldn’t help but bid on them because my other ones? As lovely as they are, they are brown. And they have no pattern on the sole of the shoe. It’s very sad. (The fact that you can’t SEE the pattern when you’re wearing the thong is not the point, alright? Patterns are lovely.)

So instead of raving about how fantastic they are (and the fact that even though I bought a smaller size, the miracle thongs STILL fit!) I shall instead do a photo montage. Oh, and I refuse to call them flip-flops, the heading just fit nicely, tis all. Thongs all the way, baby.

Here they are, in all their glory.

Giving the computer screen a hug.

A thong on a television.

Sussing out the handbag, show me the money!

Making friends with the locals.

Tissues are a must for keeping the whiteness, um, white?

Smelly thong. (Good smells of course!)

Mingling with its big brothers.

Just call me MOM.

Some days I feel like I’m not a teacher, I’m a mother.

When I get the tears and the sulks.
When I see the kids all proud of something they’ve finished.
When I’m telling kids to go get a tissue and blow their noses.
When I’m reminding them to put their hats on.
When I’m handing out bandaids for skinned knees.
When I’m patting the pre-schoolers’ backs to get them to have a nap.
When I’m standing outside of the school toilets bellowing at a little boy to hurry up and "Stop playing around in there!"
(And when I get the response; "Sorry I’m slow, I’m doing a poo!" bellowed back at me.)

Just some things to look forward to, eh?

And to finish on a completely opposite note, the teenybopper in me is all hyped up to see 30 Seconds to Mars at Luna Park. Any takers to come with me? Please, please, pleaseeeee.

Sunday Googleage.

You’ll be pleased to know that other than some random moments when I lose the ability to speak, I have (almost) officially kicked the evil chest infection and virus of doom. It’s lovely to be able to turn my head again without being in pain, and breathing with my airways open is always positive!

I’m pleased to present a couple of random (and some disturbing) Google searches that brought visitors to my little spot on the internet over the past few days. Once again, I’m not sure how useful this blog was to the searchers, but it’s certainly nice to see some new faces around here. If I was getting as many comments as I got page views, I’d be up there with the A-Listers in no time!

(It’s incredible the amount of people I still get visiting here who are searching for "Black Fingernails, Red Wine" Eskimo Joe lyrics. Incredible!)

Onwards with the searches we go!

Alyndabear;

Now this one isn’t so unusual. I’d like to think that people who have somehow linked to this blog before, forgot what the actual address was and so went looking for me that way. Makes me feel quite special, actually. I’d like to think I’m one of the only "Alyndabears" out here in blog-world. Maybe even the ONLY Alyndabear! I think I totally need a logo and slogan. Angela, you’re a graphics genius, can you help me out here?

Pretty toes with rings;

You guys and your foot fetishes. I mean, I haven’t posted about shoes since DECEMBER! It’s nearly March! Get with the times. Alright, I do own ONE toe ring which I really love. You can see it here and here.

Bad Report Cards;

Uh-oh. That’s no good. What do you mean by bad, though? As in, your CHILD got a bad report card recently? Or perhaps you got one when you were a child? My thoughts are with you. And just for the record, none of the report cards I wrote for my students were "bad", they always tried to stay focused on the positives. (Although some were definitely more positive than others!)

You just want to say to that teacher, ‘Throw some D’s on that, bitch!’;

Don’t even ask me what the heck that means, because I’m as clueless as you are. I also may or may not be huddled under a blanket in terror.

Fishnets + Stalking;

Alright, so I may have proclaimed to be a wonderful blog stalker; but I never EVER wear fishnets on the job. Much too contricting, if you ask me.

What happens when you pop an eye sty?;

Ouch. I sympathise with this one. Since I’ve been wearing contact lenses for years and years, I’ve been rewarded with plenty of these buggers. Most of them disappear on their own, some need creams to help them disappear, some refuse to budge and need to be cut away. I’ve had that done, not nice, but I got to wear a funky piratey eye patch for a couple of days afterwards. Yarrrr. But back to the question; if one pops, you just need to make sure it doesn’t get infected, keep it clean and covered up. I would never go and pop one for the sake of it, but once I had a full blown sty that popped when I let out a ginormous sneeze. Not pretty.

Demitri Martin live;

I am absolutely NOT running to Google right now to search who this guy is. No way. Of course, I already knew that Demitri Martin is an American comedian. (Snort.) Can’t say I’ve ever seen him live though OR ever mentioned him in a blog post, but now I have. Hooray!

Louise the Elephant;

The most humourous kids song around. Too funny. You should click here to read the lyrics, if you’ve forgotten them already. Don’t give me none of that bunky bunky!

Lala Sweet Red Wine;

Are we talking about the same Lala? The one I’m annoyed I didn’t get to stalk on Friday night, but who I am planning on stalking next weekend instead? I do hope there is sweet red wine involved; or perhaps any alcoholic beverages will do.

Crazy excuses fo not taking a test drive of a Ford Fiesta;

Er. Why does one need an excuse NOT to take a test drive? If you don’t want to test drive a car, then don’t? And what exactly is wrong with the Ford Fiesta? ‘ll have you know that my Fiesta is DEAD SEXY and I love, love, love it. Your loss, test driving freak.

Crimpy Hairstyles;

Look, I’ve been to ONE 80’s party, alright? And yes, I do own a crimper and plan to use it again one day in the future, but that does not make me an expert. But just because I’m in a good mood, I’ll link you to a picture of me with crimpage. Prepare your eyes: it burns!!

Dirty Barefoot Spanking;

I knew there would HAVE to be a feral search in here somewhere. I do believe that I’ve only ever used the word "spanking" in two posts; this one and this one. And neither of those mentioned being dirty and barefoot; they were talking about my brand SPANKING new car.

Getting Sick Notes;

Hrm; To me, there are two kinds of sick notes. The ones that you have written for you by your doctor, aka medical certificates when you’re sick OR the notes that the kidlets are supposed to bring to school if they’ve had some days off sick. Actually. There are three; When people send you sick notes? As in sick, disgusting? No idea. Please get back to me on this one, I’ve never actually recieved any sick notes – I’ve been lucky to mainly receieve shoe gifts in the mail myself.

Chest Infection, Should I go to School?;

If you ask either Dr. Google or my doctor, the answer is NO.

Oompa Loompa Doompity Doo Lyrics;

Oh, oh, I love this song! I’ve got another puzzle for you.. I can’t be bothered typing up the lyrics, but I’ll tell you what – if you go in this direction, you might be rewarded.

I am pooped! Maybe every Sunday I should make a list of my Googleages for the past week. Could be fun!

There’s a Storm-a Comin’

If you ask me, there is nothing better than sitting outside on a humid afternoon and feeling the (albeit still humid) breeze start to whip up and the thunder start rumbling in the distance. Yep, we’re going to have another storm roll on in pretty soon; one of my favourite things in the world. Am I strange? Yes, indeed. But I love it when it rains, I love to watch the lightning and I love scary thunder booms.

Yesterday I decided another item that I would love to whack onto my list of things "to do" in the next couple of years; remembering there is already the move/live in England decision, the 50 day Contiki of America decision and the think about getting a mighty big loan for a house decision. This one came to me while I was coming home from dinner last night, hitching a ride in my brother’s spiffy new car.

He drives an MX-5 convertible. A bright yellow one. With a soft top. And two seats. Possibly the cutest car in the world. He also drives like a loon, with music blaring out so loudly you can barely hear the car itself, but at least he plays music that I enjoy listening too and besides; that’s a story for another day.

(Let’s all pretend to ignore the fact that cruising around at night with the top down is possibly not the smartest idea in the world for a girl with a raging chest infection.) (But I’m feeling much better today! Much, much better!)

Anywho. Driving with the top down is just lovely. It was late afternoon on the way to dinner, so the sunnies were on, the hair was whipping around like crazy, was great fun. And then coming home in the darkness, with stars and lights and the night air? Was just amazing.

(We were also stalked by a couple of high-flying bats on the way home, prompting me to begin a rendition of Meatloaf which Ajay promptly drowned out with his music. I also forgot that when cars stop behind you at traffic lights, there is nothing really blocking them from getting a wonderful view of you bopping around in your seat like a loon right in front of them. Oops.)

So, back to my decision – I think my roadtrip around Australia (or maybe just the East coast of Aussie for now) is going to take place in a car that has a convertible roof. Definately a four door, as I must have room for friends to come with me AND for luggage, yes. But I want me a convertible. I also want a lot of truly tragic songs blaring from the stereo which my companions and I will sing to at the top of our lungs as we drive down random highways.

Sigh. I can’t wait. At least this sort of roadtrip I can organise to be as long or as short as I want; I could even arrange it in one of my school holidays! Lovely!

Now, to find me some road-trippin’ companions..

Ha Ha Ha Cough.

Hi! How are you today? How are you? Feeling good? How am I?

Well.

(takes deep breath)

I’m feeling rather under the weather myself, I still have all the symptoms from yesterday except that I’m starting to get a horrible cough too and my throat feels like it’s practically closed off which makes it a trifle hard to breathe. I also cannot sleep very well lying down and therefore have royally screwed up my sleeping patterns which will make getting up at 6am on Monday next week for work a wee bit difficult. Speaking of work, this is the third day I’ve had off in one week and I am pissed off because I still have SO much to do and my poor kids! I feel slack. Not that I can do anything about getting rid of the stupid virus/infection faster because those little buggers don’t tend to go away easily, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling slack. My foreign X-Files DVDs don’t play in my player. Roar. I am also pissed off that I miss out on meeting Lala and Mick tonight at the Gaelic Club, because the thought of being crammed into that teeny place with cigarette smoke and scary gropers terrifies me to no end, mainly because of the whole "can barely breathe" thing. And Jason? Probably won’t be coming near me with a ten foot pole, stupid contagious virus, you know. So all up? I’M A WEE BIT CRANKY, but thanks for asking!

Now that the whining is out of the way, I feel much better, thanks. (Actually, I sort of don’t feel any better, but I have a feeling people are going to start throwing chairs at me if I keep it up, so I’ll shut up now.) I do have some good news, in terms of purchases though;

• I got a new phone! And it’s a FLIPPY phone! And it’s teeny-tiny! And I love it! It looks just like this. It even  has a little goldfish swimming happily around the external screen. Now I just need to find people to CALL and I’ll be right! (Thank goodness you can’t spread contagious illnesses through the phone.)

• My final Charmed boxset arrived today – now I am the embarrassed proud owner of the complete series. All matching, too! Hooray!

I will be all sunshine and rainbows tomorrow. Promise.

Doctor Google.

It has become a slightly morbid habit of mine to search for understanding of all things medical, particularly since in the last year I’ve been whacked with about five different strains of common colds, one chest infection, one kidney infection (damn you, UTI!) and God knows what else I’ve forgotten since then. (Read: Scatterbrained.)

Nothing wrong with wanting to know what’s wrong with you, right?

Having said that though, I really can’t stand my doctors surgery. It’s a local practice, meaning it’s completely full of patients that have gone there since it opened; Even I’ve gone there since I moved to this suburb, when I was oh? Three years old? The only reason I stay there and don’t move to another surgery is because a) I love my lady doctor, who has been "my" doctor since.. well, just read up a sentence or two. And b) Because all of the other doctors around my area scare the crap out of me and just aren’t the same. Oh, and c) My doctors surgery is like, 2 minutes down the road by car. That’s always handy.

Why do I dislike my GP’s office so much? (Wow, writing that reminds me of playing Theme Hospital. Just more evidence of me being the world’s largest dork.) Because no matter what time you put your card out, you turn up on time and you STILL have to wait up to an hour. Alternatively, the one time you turn up late, you’ve missed your appointment and have your card moved to the side, forcing you to wait. Fabulous.

They also make me feel like an idiot; No doubt the receptionists are whispering into their computers when I walk in – "Hey look, there’s that girl who’s been in for FOUR head colds this year! Haha! What a dork!" (Yes, the world revolves around me, why shouldn’t it? Hee.) AND AND AND lastly? Every illness I’ve had, I’ve been told to treat with Panadol. PANADOL! No shit! Stuffy nose? Panadol! Can’t breathe? Panadol! Chest infection? Panadol! BROKEN LEG WITH BONES PEEKING OUT? Well, you get the gist of things. (Not too sure about the last one, though.) Er, I can self-prescribe myself Panadol, thankyouverymuch. And that would have saved an hour of my life in a waiting room for a five minute doctor visit. Perhaps I should have gone into medicine. I could cope with sitting in an office most of the day, prescribing painkillers. No problem.

(All dramatics aside, I should mention that I’ve come out of all my illnesses relatively unscathed so far, so they haven’t been neglecting me; but what happens if the common cold they label me with is actually something more? Panadol won’t fix THAT, baby.)

So what is one to do when they fall ill yet again, and can’t bear to go to the doctors for all the afore mentioned reasons? There’s only one place to visit.

DR. GOOGLE!

It’s a shining beacon in the darkness to all hypochondriacs truth-seekers out there, and is one heck of a lot faster than waiting in the surgery queue.

So, I’m turning to my trusty Dr. Google to diagnose me this time around. Let’s see. Must start with the symptoms. They include;

• Swollen glands
• Hurts to move neck
• Sore and red throat
• Puffy eyes
• Heavy feeling in chest
• NO: runny nose, blocked nose, yucky mucus, sneezes.

If I’m feeling lucky, this is the direction I’m pointed in. Er. Dr. Google? Pet-Fix? Oh, silly me, I forgot to include the fact that I am a HUMAN BEING in my symptoms. My bad. Let’s try again, shall we?

Ahem. I am a female human being with symptoms including;

• Swollen glands
• Hurts to move neck
• Sore and red throat
• Puffy eyes
• Heavy feeling in chest
• NO: runny nose, blocked nose, yucky mucus, sneezes.

Should I be worried that after reminding Dr. Google that he specialises in human medicine only, that the number one response still leads me to Pet-Fix? Oh dear. Let’s try the next one down. Wow! I’m led to a BLOG! A real life BLOG! Which is lovely and all, and I do feel badly that she has had tonsellitis in the past, but where’s MY diagnosis? Eep! Next, I’m led to a message board – handy once again, but it’s not helping me.

Sigh. I’m feeling a little let down, Dr. Google. Why have you forsaken me? Ha! Now I am led to this site. It says that I have either; strep throat, a common cold, a bacterial throat infection, a viral infection, or glandular fever aka mono. The treatment for all of those? PANADOL Actually, most of them don’t have a specific cure. But, But, I need to go to work tomorrow!

Lucky I have booked a doctors appointment in about half an hour, eh? I will report back once I am home to report the diagnosis – ten bucks is betting I have a common cold and to take, well, you should know what. Bah. Update to come.

UPDATE:

After setting a new record for the longest time I’ve sat in a waiting room reading trashy women’s magazines and watching mid-day television (1.5 hours! Oh my!) the verdict is in.

And it does not involve Panadol! Hooray!

I have a chest infection, and basically some sort of virus – I should be coughing my lungs up apparently, but that hasn’t set in yet, meaning that’ll come soon. Excellent. I’m also contagious enough to be covered from work for today and tomorrow. And I have antibiotics. Yes. No glandular fever, go me. BOO.

UPDATE #2:

I forgot to mention my dear friend Kirby has come down with something too; and we have just discovered that it must be the same thing – our totally random doctors have prescribed us with the exact same antibiotic!

We’ve caught a goth disease from the concert! Oh Noes!

So who was it?

Fess up – someone got me sick and I’d like to know who, so I can come on over and kick your arse.

ROAR.

You’ll be pleased to know that aside from downing Nurofen, Cold & Flu tablets, gargling Betadine (bleh!) and some cough syrup, I was able to sleep a few hours today which made my head feel marginally better. I also decided to have a mad cleaning frenzy; meaning, my room is bloody spotless right about now.

Boo to feeling sick. My glands are not very happy with me, neither is my chest for that matter. But hooray for a germ-free room! Too bad it’s owner can’t say she’s germ-free either..

I sneeze in your general direction, bringer of sickness!

What do YOU really want?

I’m in a place right now where I have lots of things that I think I want. They’re all over the place though; some days I want one thing more than anything else, on other days it could be something random and different.

So I have to put it out there to blogland; How do you know when you really want something?

I’m not just talking fleeting wants, like "Hrm, I want those shoes, jeans, concert tickets." I mean big, life-changing wants. As in, "I want to move to England and work and stuff." Compared to the "I want to stay here and buy a house and act all grown up now." And then there’s the "I just want to pack up and do my 50 day American trip and throw it all to the wind."

Cough. The latter won’t happen for a while, but the thought is still there. I have too many things that I want.

But how do I decide what is most important? How do I know which "want" is the best one? Am feeling a wee bit lost.

Reality Bites.

What I should be doing right now:

• Attempting to finish Term 1 of my Mathematics Programme.
• Attempting to organise the rest of my Teaching Programme.
• Cleaning my room.. again.
• Remembering to ask Lara for her address to send my parcel.
• Walking another 3kms on my treadmill.

What I am actually doing right now:

• Chewing off my fingernails, one hand at a time.
• Printing off price lists for two different American Contiki tours that I am determined to save up for. LA to New York, then New York BACK to LA, one tour visiting the southern states, the other going through the mid-west and the north-east. Sigh. ($7500 just for both tours, but 50 days.. oh so tempting.)
• Working out how long it will take me to save for the afore-mentioned trips and wondering when I can actually go. (When the heck am I even planning on moving to England for a year, let alone this? What the heck?)
• Staring blankly at my Mathematics Syllabus and swearing at Microsoft Word because it keeps fucking with my tables. Grr.
• Wondering what I am going to wear when I meet Julia this weekend. And we go to another concert! Fwee!

I am apparently very, very good at this crazy little thing called procrastination. Much better than I had though, actually. I do feel I deserve a medal, yes indeedy.